Down
by jackthepumpkin777
Summary: In a last attempt he quickly pushed her forehead back against his shoulder so her head was tilted up. Opening her mouth, he quickly jabbed two fingers to the back of her throat to her gag reflex. His heart shattered and tore. His whole being crumbled at the thought of this not working. "Don't die on me!"


**Author's Note: So I was inspired to write this by an episode of 'American Horror Story' (Don't own) and the song I listened to was Down by Jason Walker. Enjoy!**

_Disclaimer: Do not own Shugo Chara!_

**Down**

**_"I shot for the sky… I'm stuck on the ground. So why do I try? I know I'm gonna fall down."_**

She was almost home when she realized that this was the day she had long been anticipating. She had not even realized until now that she had been wanting this for what felt like years. Perhaps it had been years that she had been waiting.

Nevertheless, Amu's pace slowed to a saunter, in no particular hurry to face what awaited her at home.

As far as she was concerned, she had just completed her last day of school and now she was going to take her time walking home on her last day on this planet.

She didn't have to go back to that school, Amu reminded herself with a sigh of relief. No more forced smiles and fake friends. No more constant nagging from teachers. No more thoughts on how she was not good enough.

Swallowing thickly, her amber eyes blinked rapidly to clear her vision as she peered up at the sky.

The thick clouds hung dangerously low to the buildings and silent rain drops began to drip onto the pavement. The sidewalk slowly grew dark spots as the rain thumped against it.

Amu watched emotionless as the rain swallowed up the sidewalk. The lively shimmer had drained from her gaze as it grew dull and hollow. No one noticed. No one cared. She felt like she had already died. She didn't feel anything anymore. Only shame and the disappointment cast upon her every day. She wasn't worth anything, really. She was a waste of space. A day didn't go by without her disappointing someone. So, why even try? She knew her attempts to please were futile. Instead, she decided to just save the effort and get it over with.

That was what the pills at home were for.

Ran, Miki, and Suu peeked curiously out of their eggs upon realizing Amu had stopped walking. They watched in a wide-eyed, worried silence as rain pelted down against the unfazed pinkette who continued to stare down at the sidewalk, droplets of rain dragging down her hair and onto her cheeks.

Suu was the one who was brave enough to speak. "…Amu-chan?"

Amu inhaled deeply and quickly, covering up any sadness. She glanced up to clear her vision before continuing to walk. She briefly flickered her gaze over to her school bag.

"The rain is nice, isn't it?"

The chara's shoulders dropped at how empty her voice sounded; so void of emotion. It did not come across as surprising. Amu had slowly been sinking down into a noticeable depression over the past few months. She didn't address the issue, though. She never even came close to bringing it up. And the more she shut everyone out, the harder it became for the charas to do anything about it. They felt abandoned and alone- but not as much as Amu did.

Pushing the front door, it opened with a cold squeak as it shuddered under the icy rain. Amu barely remembered shutting it and taking off her shoes. All she knew was that her legs were taking her up the stairs to her room.

Today was the day. It had to be. Today was when her parents were attending Ami's dance recital. They would be going out for a celebratory dinner afterwards. It would be too late by the time they got home. Too late to save her.

Amu doubted they would be surprised. The must have seen her sinking away from everyone. They didn't try to reach out to her, though. Sure, they had invited her to come with them to Ami's recital, but she had turned them down in an instant. Having an empty house was the perfect time to get those pills out from under her bed.

Her charas floated hesitantly in the air, watching as Amu dragged her feet across the floor and over to her bed where she collapsed silently into the blankets as the rain fell harder on the other side of the balcony door.

Ran lifted her dejected pompoms and shook them slightly. Forcing a smile, the pink-haired chara floated over to the bed and waved her arms.

"Amu-chan, Amu-chan! Let's play a game!"

Amu's arm hung off the side of the bed, where her fingers idly began playing with the small, rounded case tucked out of sight before they moved on to the unopened water bottle. She let her heavy eyelids close as she breathed in the scent of her pillow. Her heart was heavy against her ribcage. She paid little attention to the chilliness of her clothes and the heating of her skin as she counted her mistakes while her friends' lifeless words rattled in her ears.

_"You're not alone."_

_"I'll always be here."_

_"I care about you."_

_"I'll never judge you."_

They were all lies. Her friends didn't even notice her anymore. She felt so alone and it was scaring her - she was scared of herself.

"…Not right now, Ran," she whispered at last.

Ran's forced smile dropped. Her eyes filled with sadness as she let her pompoms fall to her sides.

She lingered back with Miki and Suu, who were feeling just as defeated. They all knew they had to act fast. But in order to make a difference they needed to get someone Amu still had hope for. Someone she hadn't yet chosen to forget and block out of her life. Only one person came to mind, and he shouldn't be too hard to find.

Suu glanced at her companions before speaking up, "We're going to go get some chocolate, desu! You will feel all better once we're back. We won't be long, desu~."

Amu hardly noticed them leave out the balcony. Her skin crawled with goose bumps underneath her icy garments. She shivered into her blanket but refused to wrap up and get warm. Instead, she stretched her fingers and grasped the water bottle, then the case of pills.

Sitting up straight, Amu cracked open the case of sleeping pills and dumped a couple out into the palm of her hand. She swallowed three. She emptied out a few more. She swallowed those, too. A few more later and the container was empty, save for two lonely pills rolling around at the bottom. She was small, so it shouldn't take too long for the medication to course through her body.

This had been her last resort. She had done her best. In this day and age, it seemed that her best wasn't enough.

She wasn't the smartest in her class. She wasn't the skinniest. She didn't have perfect teeth or long hair. She wasn't tall. She wasn't curvy. She wasn't the ideal, obedient daughter. She wasn't cute like her sister. She wasn't charismatic. She wasn't anything.

No matter how hard she tried to fly, she always drowned.

Amu's fingers lost hold of the water bottle and it tumbled off the bed, where it splashed onto the floor. Her chest was pressing into her. It was getting harder to breath as her body started burning up. Sweat was forming underneath her bangs as she breathed deeply, tucking the container of remaining pills into her pocket before she fell back onto her mattress, eyes searching her walls for anything to focus on.

She was terrified. Maybe she didn't make the right choice. Maybe she could scream. She had to scream. Someone might hear her, someone might be able to help her. She could tell them what was wrong and she could get help. She didn't have to linger in this depression any longer.

But even as she thought of escaping, darkness started splotching her vision. Amber eyes struggling to stay open, she focused on the water bottle leaking on the floor. Then she concentrated on listening to the rain pelting against her balcony door.

She evened out her breathing as pins and needles shuffled underneath her skin. She squeezed and un-squeezed her delicate fingers that were growing numb.

She didn't want to die.

She still had to graduate; to move out. She had to travel the world and find herself. Then she would get married and start a family of her own. Her own daughter would go through problems as well, but she'd have Amu, her mom, there to help her through it all. Her daughter would never feel alone.

Amu squeezed her eyelids shut as she held back a sob. Tears gathered at her eyelashes and dripped down her cheeks as her heart beat echoed in her head and drummed in her bones.

She couldn't breath. She was going to die.

With her one soft, haggard breath, she whispered an apology to her parents, feeling the pins and needles overtake her as her eyes dropped closed.

* * *

Ran, Miki, Suu, and Yoru all raced to keep up with the teenager ahead of them, but he was nearly out of sight already. His long legs took him faster than he knew he could run. His deep blue eyes were set in determination as he leaped over fences and ducked into alleyways.

His heart thumped from worry. He couldn't swallow in fear of throwing up. If he didn't make it in time, he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

The rain had gotten denser in the past hour. It drowned out the streets and soaked Ikuto to the bone as his legs stretched as far as they could, sprinting down her street.

Behind the drawn curtains of her balcony, he could see her light was still on. A new rush of adrenaline coursed through him as he pulled himself up the railing and onto the balcony.

Ikuto's fingers were shaking as he numbly slid open the door, breathing heavily.

He braced himself for what he would find. Perhaps she would be quietly reading. Or maybe she had fallen asleep. Her charas hadn't been able to tell him much about what was going on with Amu, only that she had been pulling away from everyone and that Miki had found some pills under her bed. They had a strong, sickening feeling that Amu would do something soon. Something that she would regret. Ikuto only hoped that he wasn't too late.

Brushing his wet hair out of his face, Ikuto stood in a stunned silence as his breath continued to escape in laboured huffs.

Amu lay with her back to him. Her clothes were wet from being caught in the rain and she was shivering violently, her cheeks flushed and forehead sweaty.

"Amu?"

Ikuto hurried over to her, climbing onto her bed and reaching over to roll her onto her back so he could get a better look at her.

She breaths were far too shallow and her eyelids flickered in a struggle to open, but they remained sealed shut.

His shoulders drooped at the sight of her as his eyes softened. There were tears still clinging to her eyelashes. Ikuto gently brushed his thumb against them to wipe them away. He slid his hand under her back to pull her closer to him, craving tangible proof that she was still alive.

As she collapsed against his chest, it didn't take long for him to realize just how hot her skin was. It sent a startled jolt through Ikuto's body as he quickly looked back down at her and pressed his cool fingers against her forehead. She seemed to lean in to the touch, though the movement was so weak it almost went by unnoticed.

All Ikuto's mind could process was that Amu needed to cool down, and fast.

Heart thumping in a panic, he easily masked his worry as his eyes darted around the room in search of a fan or _anything_ that would help. His gaze settled on a puddle of spilled water on the floor with a water bottle resting nearby. That was it. He needed water.

Ikuto gingerly swept his arm underneath Amu's legs, pressing his other arm against her back as he lifted her up, holding her against his chest. The smell of her filled the air and clenched at his heart. He swallowed thickly and held back any traces of tears. He needed to stay calm so he could think clearly.

He hurried across the hall and into the bathroom, kicking the door open with his foot. Keeping her close to him, Ikuto gingerly lowered himself into the bathtub with Amu lying against his chest. Her breathing was faint and, pressing two fingers against her neck, he realized her heartbeat was even fainter. A bolt of worry shot his heart as a lump welled up in his throat once more. He couldn't lose her like this. Not without saying goodbye and definitely not when they both had their entire lives ahead of them.

One arm wrapped just underneath Amu's chest to press her against him, Ikuto reached his other arm out in front of them to turn on the shower.

The water shot down on them in a rush of icicles and needles, soaking through their clothing and chilling them to the bone. Ikuto certainly felt more awake, but with a sinking in his stomach, he noticed Amu wasn't reacting to the cold.

Again, he reached a shivering hand to her forehead, then to her arm, moving down to her leg. It was then that he noticed something was in her pocket.

Fumbling through the cold, Ikuto clumsily reached around Amu to tuck his hand into her pocket. What he pulled out made his heart turn to stone as it nearly stopped beating. His hands trembled not just from the cold as he found it hard to breath. His chest was being squeezed and he lost all feeling in his limbs as he tried to swallow. She had overdosed. He had a hard time convincing himself of this, but when he came back to his senses, he chucked the container to the floor.

"Amu!" Ikuto bit out urgently. He could feel the dreaded burning behind his eyes as his vision became blurred. He shook her shoulders desperately as his voice broke, "Amu, don't die on me."

In a last attempt he quickly pushed her forehead back against his shoulder so her head was tilted up. Opening her mouth, he quickly jabbed two fingers to the back of her throat to her gag reflex. His heart shattered and tore. His whole being crumbled at the thought of this not working.

"Don't die on me!"

With another push of his fingers, Amu lurched forward as she made a choking, gurgled noise and threw up into the bathtub in front of her.

Ikuto's stomach fluttered with hope as his breathing regulated, exhaling deeply as he wiped his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he spoke quietly before pushing his fingers into her throat again.

She made a noise of protest as she squirmed against his chest while her eyes filled with tears, but she stopped struggling in an instant and pushed forward as she puked again.

He leaned his forehead against her shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut, glad the shower water mixed with his tears. His throat tightened up and his eyes burned at the thought of coming this close to losing her.

One arm wrapped around her stomach, his fingers playing with the material of her shirt and rubbing soothing circles on her stomach. The other arm he planted firmly in front her shoulders, dragging his fingers up and down her upper arm as he buried his teary eyes into her shoulder, staying silent, knowing far too well that he wouldn't be able to speak around the lump in his throat.

Amu clutched onto the arm that was around the front of her shoulders. Her cold fingers dipped into his skin, clinging to him.

"I-Ikuto..?" her voice broke as tears flooded her eyes. She weakly craned her neck to look into Ikuto's own eyes. They had always been such beautiful eyes.

"I'm here." He reassured softly. He planted a kiss to the side of her head, then on her ear, kissing the back of her neck then moving back up to kiss her hair. "I'm here, Amu."

She leaned forward as her stomach lurched and a choked sob - one that she had been holding back for ages - sounded from her lips. Her stomach was in knots as tears burned her eyes. She sobbed against Ikuto's hold. Her body shaking as her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth pursed closed and her face scrunched up, she sobbed again, gasping for air as she dropped her head down to hide behind her curtain of hair.

He was here. He was here for her when she needed him most. There was probably so many others that were also there for her, wanting to help, but continuously being shunned by her. She wasn't alone. She was the one responsible for making her believe that she was.

Amu's stomach tightened as another heart-wrenching sob broke across her lips, her body shaking with her cries and Ikuto continued to hold her, speaking lowly into her ear, words only for her to hear. Words to calm her down.

It scared her how close she had come to leaving this world.

Who would be there to comfort Rima when her parents got into a fight? Who would attend every single one of Nagihiko's dance recitals? Who would give her little sister advice when she entered her teen years? But mostly…who could ever take her place in the hearts of her parents?

And what about…Ikuto? They had leaned on each other so much, and she was just realizing this now as they clung to each other.

"Ikuto," Amu sobbed, clinging to his arm as she pressed her back into his chest, leaning her head back against his shoulder and burying her face into the crook of his neck. "I-I'm s-so…sorry."

He didn't speak, but tightened his hold on her and kissed her shoulder, trying to even out his breathing as he blinked continuously to clear his vision.

Reluctantly, Ikuto removed his arm from around Amu's stomach and reached to turn off the water, both of them shivering.

The charas had finally returned, eyes bulging and breathing laboured. They fetched warm, towel-like bath robes that the two quickly wrapped up in.

"I'm t-tired…" Amu spoke quietly, still shivering.

Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks rosy from the cold and her body completely drained of energy. Ikuto was reluctant to let her sleep in fear that she wouldn't wake up. Finally he agreed to let her sleep only if he could stay with her and keep an eye on her.

He helped her into her bed, slipping under the covers with her, where they clung to each other not only for warmth but for the reassurance that there was another human being close by.

They stayed in each other's arms, taking comfort in feeling the other's chest rise and fall. They needed each other to make it through this hell-hole called 'life'. They needed to support each other and bring each other up when the rest of the world brought them down.

No matter what, they were never truly facing their problems alone.

* * *

**Author's Note: Trust me, you're not alone.**


End file.
